


Vroom Vroom, David

by houdini74



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Fluff and Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-01
Updated: 2019-03-01
Packaged: 2019-11-07 14:15:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17962124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/houdini74/pseuds/houdini74
Summary: Patrick discovers that Alexis is not the only Rose family member with an online past.After S5E08 "The Hospies"





	Vroom Vroom, David

**Author's Note:**

> Just a silly add-on to The Hospies. I thought that if the rest of us had to experience A Little Bit Alexis, then Patrick should have to as well.

Patrick headed back to the store carrying his tea and David’s usual coffee order. He opened the door and was greeted by a wall of noise instead of the soft jazz they usually played. David was standing at the counter, some sort of high tempo techno-pop song that Patrick thought had maybe been popular ten years ago, was blaring from the speakers of the store’s laptop.

“What’s going on? What happened to our usual selection of soothing jazz that’s intended to lure our customers into spending more money?” In truth, Patrick could take the jazz or leave it, but at least it faded into the background, unlike whatever this was.

“Shhh,” David said, a huge grin on his face. “Listen.”

It took Patrick a moment to tease out the synthesized voice, it sounded familiar, almost like someone doing an impression of Britney Spears or Lindsay Lohan.

_I’m a hieroglyphic. I’m an open book._  
_I’m a little bit cray-cray, if you steal my look._  
_I’m a little bit_  
_I’m a little bit_  
_I’m a little bit_

Patrick hoped David wasn’t reviewing a new playlist for the store, he didn’t think he’d be able to bear too much more of this, not to mention the reaction from their customers.

_I’m a little bit a la la la la la la  
A little bit Alexis_

Patrick’s jaw dropped as he finally recognized the highly processed voice. 

“Is that...Alexis?”

“Yes,” David said with a gleeful look on his face. “That’s the title track from her short-lived reality TV show. It debuted at, well, no one knows at what number because they only release the list of the top 200 songs.”

The song was continuing.

_Hide your diamonds, hide your exes._  
_I’m a little bit Alexis._  
_(Ah ah) vroom-vroom bitches_  
_(Ah ah) vroom-vroom bitches_  
_Ew, David!_

“Hey, look, you’re in the song,” Patrick smirked at David.

“Don’t remind me,” David’s mouth twisted, but the glint of amusement remained in his eyes. The song, mercifully, had come to an end.

Patrick put the cups on the counter.

“What prompted you to revisit this musical masterpiece?”

“Apparently, Alexis used it as her audition piece for Cabaret,” David replied. “That inspired me to see if the original was as bad as I remembered.”

“And, ah, did she get the part in Cabaret?” Patrick liked Alexis, but the idea of having her and Mrs Rose working on the play together was a bit overwhelming.

“No, not even Jocelyn was prepared to be that nice.”

“So,” Patrick said with a sideways look at David. “This makes me think that I should perhaps be doing some googling on certain other members of the Rose family to learn about their past performances.”

David froze.

“I mean, if you think you want to. But, you’ve already seen me perform The Number with my mother, so that’s pretty much the bottom of the barrel.”

“Is it, though?” Patrick smirked, looking at David with an amused look on his face.

The rest of the afternoon was busy, with a steady stream of customers, so Patrick didn’t get a chance follow through on his threat. He hadn’t really been serious about googling David, he’d just wanted to wind him up and he knew that there were probably landmines that he wasn’t sure he needed to uncover. 

Patrick was closing out the till at the end of the day when David came up behind him and slid his arms around his waist. Patrick leaned into him for a moment, as David rested his chin on his shoulder. 

“Are you coming over tonight?”

“I’m coming over right now, if you’ll have me.” David’s lips brushed the side of Patrick’s neck. Patrick’s breath caught and he lost his count of the ten dollar bills.

“If you keep doing things like that, we’re just going to have to stay that much longer.”

“Okay, okay,” David released him and backed away. 

After David’s failed attempts in the kitchen, they’d agreed that Patrick would do the cooking as long as David did the dishes. Patrick had special ordered David a pair of black rubber gloves, which had prompted an eye roll from the David along with the comment “you know these aren’t really a fashion choice, I don’t care what color they are” but Patrick could tell he was pleased.

Patrick was about to curl up on the couch with his latest book, when David handed him the open laptop from his desk.

“You wanted to know, here it is,” he said as he pulled on the gloves and headed for the kitchen. Patrick looked at the screen. It was open to Google’s video search and “David Rose” had been entered into the search box.

“David, it’s fine. I don’t need to do this.”

David turned back. He looked ridiculous with his designer sweater and the black rubber gloves but the look on his face was serious.

“I want you to,” he said, “I want you to know about the person I used to be. I mean, maybe don’t watch all the videos, some of them are definitely not me at my best.”

Patrick looked at David carefully for a long moment. He could see that it was important to David to share this part of his past.

“Okay,” he said as he looked down at the screen and began scrolling through the results.

The majority of the videos appeared to be either be from events at David’s gallery or videos from David’s modelling career. Patrick watched a couple of them, but they weren’t particularly interesting, so he started to scroll faster, looking for anything different.

“Oh my god, what are you wearing?” Patrick exclaimed after a moment.

“Is that the photo shoot from Milan? Because you know that the models don’t get to choose the clothes, right?”

“It’s not Milan.” It was a video entitled, ‘At Home with David Rose.’ It was filmed in what Patrick assumed was David’s New York apartment. David was barefoot, wearing a white t-shirt and a pair of faded blue jeans that were ripped at the knees. Patrick could tell they were some sort of designer brand but something about the casual simplicity in contrast to David’s usual wardrobe took his breath away.

David had finished the dishes and had come up behind him. He leaned over Patrick’s shoulder to look at the video, making a face when he saw what it was. 

“Oh, that. That was a companion piece for a home decor magazine. The editors insisted I wear ‘normal’ clothes to connect with their audience.” David grimaced before he caught the look on Patrick’s face. 

“Wait, you’re super into this, aren’t you?” he asked. “Does this mean you don’t like my usual look?”

Patrick could see that David was trying to pass the question off as a joke, but he could tell that the answer was important to him.

“I love your look,” he replied. “Your look is what makes you look like you. It’s just pretty sexy to see you look so different once and awhile.” He reached a hand up to cup the back of David’s neck and began to tease his fingers through David’s hair.

“Hmmm…” David replied, pressing a kiss at the base of Patrick’s throat. “I’m obviously not going to wear those clothes around town, but I could possibly be persuaded to hang around here wearing something like that.”

“And what sort of persuasion do you think that would take?” Patrick tipped his head back so that he could kiss along David’s jawline.

“Well, this is a very good start,” David reached down to undo the next button on Patrick’s shirt. “An even better start might be to take this into the bedroom.”

“Vroom, vroom, David.” Patrick said as he stood up and began to push David across the room. “Vroom, vroom.”


End file.
